When Evil Dark Wizards Get Pregnant
by Nettie
Summary: *shakes her head* I cannot believe I wrote this! It is in response to Mandy's Challenge! Beware! I am totally on a Sugar High!!!


When Evil Dark Wizards Get Pregnant

A.N: This is in answer of Mandy's Challenge:

-Voldemort must be pregnant  
-the father of Voldemort's *ahem* baby must be of the human species.  
-Ron cannot be gay. *YAY RON!!!!!*  
-It must be funny  
-someone has to say: "Aw, look at the little punum..."  
-someone has to say: "My foot itches" (my foot does itch, thats what prompted   
that..)  
-straightjackets must be present  
-It has to be more than 2 pages long. But that shouldn't be too hard.  
and lastly,  
-someone has to say: "Ha Kof Sheli Be'Esh" (which is hebrew for "my monkey is   
on fire" HAHAHAHA!)

*Nettie puts on her announcer voice* "And Welcome to: When Evil Dark Wizards Get Pregnant. Today we have a very special guest--Lord Voldemort"

*everyone gasps, Voldie walks in, looking rather bloated and sits down* There is a deadly silence. 

*Nettie flashes the Camera a big smiled* "Lets get started shall we? Voldie, you don't mind me calling you Voldie do you? Good. All right, Voldie, who IS the father of your child?"

*Voldie glares at Nettie evilly.* "How should I know? I'm just supposed to try and kill Harry Potter...not sleep around."

"But you did sleep around didn't you?"

*Voldie turns a little red* "No i did not!"

*Ainet positively grins* "Well...that's not what these four people told ME...Please bring out our 4 guests."

*4 men in dressed as Death Eaters walk in.*

Me: "These four men have told me a very sad tale of you staying with them for only a while...then leaving them for the next...Voldie...Is that true?"

Voldie: Why you little! *lunges at me*

Me; *Ducking out of the way* Please bring the straight Jacket out! The pretty Purple one with stars.

Voldie: *getting all misty eyed* I get the pretty Purple one with Stars! Oh thank you!!!! *Begins to kiss my feet until he is put in the straight jacket.*

Me: *Scratching my foot* My foot itches! When was the last time you shaved????

Voldie: *Shrugging* 3 years.

Me:* EEEEEWWWW!! Bring out the Barber!!

*A barber come out and proceeds to Shave Voldie...Along with his hair and his nose.*

Voldie: Agh! I cand talb mibe nobse ibs runbined (Translation: Ahh! I can't talk! My nose is ruined!)

Me: We are getting off teh subject: Voldie... unless you tell us who the father of your child is...we are gonna unmask these 4 men!

Voldie: I told you! I don't know!

Me: *grinning maliciously* All right! Unmasks yourselves! 

*The 4 people unmask themselves to reveal: Professor Flitwick, Prof. McGonagall, Hermione, and Lucius Malfoy.*

Voldie: AHH!! I NEVER SLEPT WITH ANY OF THEM!!

Prof. McGonagall: *Throwing herself at Voldie's feet* Why did you have to go and screw everything up? I am the one who is supposed to have the baby! I've got the Uterus you know! Why did you have to go and screw everything up with your Dark Magic! I thought you loved me!!!

Voldie: I NEVER SLEPT WITH YOU!!

Lucius Malfoy *Kissing no, scratch that...making out with the hems of Voldie's robe.* My lord...I am so proud that I am the father of your heir.... Don't you remember: Ha Kof Sheli Be'Esh? You used to say that to me all the time! 

Hermione: *grabbing Lucius by the neck and throwing him into the audience* What the hell? I am the father of this kid and I am gonna take it and raise it properly....With lots of books and make it learn spells when it is two years old....

Voldie: OMG!! MY WATER JUST BROKE!!!

Me: HOLY SH*IT Ladies and Gentleman....history is being made....this is the first time a Evil Dark Wizard has ever gone into Labor on National TV!!

Prof. Flitwick: PUSH BABY PUSH!!!

*There is suddenly a loud cry and Hermione (Who was acting as the doctor) is holding a booottiiffulll baby girl....She has blonde hair and bright green eyes)*

*I look around to see that no one here has green eyes* 

Me: VOLDIE!! YOU ARE RIGHT!!! NONE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE THE FATHER!! But wait a sec...if it isn't Hermi, Flitwick, McGonagall or Malfoy....then who IS the father,

A voice: Aw, look at the little punum... How are you honey....You okay? And lets see the little girl.

A person walks out and it is......

A/N: Hmm you might never know!! Should I do a Sequel? I will if you give enoguh Reviews...please review...I likes Reviews!


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